Poetry: The Second Remainder (From Psalm 52)

           For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from Him.
The most subjective objectivity –
The lens,
be it scratched or fogged or shattered,
Through which I see a future.
          For God…
How fragile is a lens.
Blurred by betrayal
Scratched by spite
Shattered in that sanctified second when the news comes –
And Hope evaporates.
          …my soul waits in silence…
Forsaking a silent soul—
     A passionate ambivalence
          A heartsick joy
               A chaotic clarity
                    A stable lability
Of truth and perception and happenstance—
          … for my hope is from Him.
You say there is hope in God, and I say
Sole, Suspended, Silent,
But I can’t see it just yet
Can’t see past the shattered glass.
All I know is that Hope exists,
That the Almighty God has set Hope before me
And despite what I can or can’t see through the scratches and fogs and broken pieces,
          For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from Him.

About Jenn

While pursuing my literary and professional goals, I managed a severe form of gastroparesis (paralysis of the stomach) for six years, now complicated by full GI failure and a nonspecific autonomic failure of unknown etiology. In August of 2010, I finally had my stomach removed (total gastrectomy) to stop the 24/7 nausea and to lessen the risk of spreading infection to my central IV line (port-a-cath), as both of my gastric tubes (one G-tube in my stomach; one J-tube in my small intestine) were chronically–and extremely painfully–infected for longer than a year. I couldn’t possibly have survived the six-plus years of TPN (IV nutrition), surgeries, new (and unrelated) diagnoses, and being forced to go on disability without my amazingly supportive, encouraging, adoring, patient Care Partner and husband, Greg (married 1999)… Who reminds me of the unconditional, perfect love of God as shown through His Son, Jesus. My writing credits include The Da Vinci Code Adventure and Two Roads Through Narnia as well as several movie review compilations. Not all of the entries are health-related. My conditions have finally settled into a quasi-normal routine. There will be ebbs and flows, but I am still active, and plan to live as long as I’m alive.
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